I CANNOT TELL YOU...

how glad I am to see 2008 end. It has absolutely been THE WORST year (the last three months of it, anyway) for our family. All of you who've been following along know, so I'm not gonna repeat myself. All I can hope and pray for is that 2009 will be THE BEST year for us. I pray that this next year will bring a new medication to help slow down the progression of our dad's Alzheimer's. I pray that we can get through the next set of "firsts" w/o Mom (i.e., Easter, birthdays, their anniversary) as well as we did the holidays. Finally, I pray that my family and I are able to travel to Chicago, to see our wonderful cousins, uncles and aunt.

May you all have a blessed and safe New Year.

Merry Christmas

My wish for everyone is to have a very Blessed Christmas and a joyous and prosperous New Year.

An already extremely difficult Christmas was made even harder for our family, with the loss of another aunt (my mom's oldest brother's wife) last week from a stroke. The things that keep us going are our faith, watching the kids enjoying Christmas and knowing that we have the INCREDIBLE family that we do (both immediate and extended)....we are TRULY BLESSED.

Tonight, we went over to my brother's in Carlsbad, which is on the coast. There was also my sil's entire family over. Tomorrow, we're going to my other brother's in OC, after Mass and a visit to my mom's gravesite.

Enjoy each other, and remember the Reason for the Season....

This week, with Thanksgiving...

in a few days, is just AWFUL for me and my family. I don't want to do the holidays this year, but in my heart of hearts, I know that Mom would want us to, and for us not to be moping around and be sad (not only that, but I know it's important for the kids' sake to move forward). Even though it's gonna be INCREDIBLY HARD, I know that we still have an awful lot to be thankful for; that we still have our dad, that the four of us have gotten SO MUCH cloer than we ever have been (that my sister's and my relationship HAS GOTTEN SO MUCH BETTER), that we have the extended family (Mom's) that we do, but most importantly, that God is taking care of our mom, and she's with her brothers, sisters and parents, whom she has missed SO MUCH.

For Thanksgiving, we're gonna be going up to OC, to my brother's. My other brother and his family will be in the desert with my sil's family (we decided not to go).

I'll post as to our plans on what we're doing for Christmas, other than our family party previously mentioned, when the time comes...... one holiday at a time.

Wishing you all a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving

Ok, so I'm waiting for...

the housing inspector to come, so thought I would keep myself occupied... before heading out to Apple Valley for the weekend....

Things are just OK; like I said, I'm gonna be gone for the weekend, so it'll be a nice break from taking care of Dad, and not to think about things so much.. in the post from Oct 2, I had said that the day that Mom died is also my cousin's birthday and that'll be forever hard on him, b/c he's her Godson... well, after thinking about it for a long time, I got to thinking how much he must feel that that is one of the greatest gifts that God and Mom could ever have given him...to have her be taken back home on her Godson's birthday; He must have known how much she loved Kevin and vice versa. Occasionally, I still get the feeling that we'll lose contact with my mom's family, but it's lessening now, that our cousins send beautiful and encouraging (and sometimes funny) forwards through email. If there's a family reunion this summer back there, we're all (four of us for sure, and maybe 11) planning on going.

I'm not looking forward to the holidays, obviously. But, I know that Mom wouldn't want us to be sad and to forge forward. There is going to be a HUGE hole though. For Christmas, we're gonna have our annual party from my dad's side of the family. And then I'm gonna be going to a cousin's on my mom's side of the family a week after our party and join their family party. The actual day...... I'll have to get back to you on...

Ok.....so,

even though it's extremely hard to live life w/o my mom, I am trying to cope as best I can. Helping take care of our dad does help take my mind off of things.

My biggest fear since Mom passed is that we'll lose contact with her family. I know in my heart that they're not gonna stop being our uncles, aunts and cousins just because she's gone, but my head is telling me something totally different. I keep sending emails (sometimes really stupid ones) to the ones in Chicago because I don't want to lose that contact, but at the same time, I SO DO NOT want to alienate them. My brothers and sister keep telling me that we're not gonna lose that contact, and in fact, sister said that we're probably closer to them than we ever have been (because we're all in the "same boat" now, with the loss of one parent); but I think if I hear it from one of them, I can be more reassured. It hasn't happened yet, but I'm sure it will one day.

On a somewhat happier note, I'm going to see my cousin and aunt that lives in Apple Valley in a couple of weeks. I do feel comfortable bouncing my feelings off of them, so maybe I'll let them know (I already know what their reaction is gonna be...one of disbelief that I would even think that, knowing that I'm the glue that holds the family together....those are my cousin, Tom's, words.

I'll post again in a couple of weeks (maybe after I get back from Apple Valley).

Things are getting...

a little easier now that it's been six weeks (tomorrow) since Mom's passed (four for my aunt). We got everything settled with his insurance, and still working on his/their financial stuff. Now that that stress is being taken care of, we just have to focus our energy on taking care of our dad, which, as you may expect, is stressful in and of itself.

I'll give updates as time passes and things get easier. Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement and prayers; you'll never know just how much they're appreciated.

The last two weeks...

have been CHALK FULL of emotions, so please forgive me if I ramble...

First off, September 13 will be one of the hardest days of my life from now on......... it's the day that I lost the most precious gift that God could ever give a child; this is the day I lost my mom. God came and took her by the hand in her sleep (EXACTLY how she wanted to go). The following week, preparing for the memorial, left my dad, three siblings and I completely numb (although, having Alzheimer's Disease, my dad didn't completely comprehend everythng). We had cousins and other family and friends come from EVERYWHERE to give us the love and support we absolutely needed. The Memorial Service (approximately 200 showed up, and 125 went to the reception back at Dad's house afterwards) was absolutely beautiful, and I'm sure that Mom would have been so proud to know that we showed the strength and courage that she exhibited each and every day of her life. Mom had a smile and laugh that could absolutely light up a room. She was a beautiful person inside and out. She and I were joined at the hip when I was little and had all of my medical issues. As an adult, and still having minor medical issues, as hard as she tried to cut the proverbial umbilical cord, I tried equally as hard not to sever it; but in the end, I'm sort of glad she did, as I know that I wouldn't be where I am today. I will, and do sorely miss calling her everyday and "checking in" and telling her about the day I had, and her telling me about hers. I love you, Mom; and even though I was mad at her for leaving us SO UNEXPECTEDLY, I'm glad that she's reunited with her parents and siblings that went before her......

The second hardest day of my life is September 28; this is the day that we lost our much beloved aunt (Mom's sister) in Chicago. She fought with the courage that Mom had, a long battle with cancer. Aunt Colleen and Mom were very close, and the pain of the loss of her (my aunt) almsot matches the loss of Mom. A blogger friend of mine (Marci, you will never know how much this has comforted me) said that God took Mom, who wasn't sick, first to prepare my aunt. If it was reverse, and my aunt had gone first, I don't want to even think about what that would've done to Mom. So I'm glad now that Mom went home first. Aunt Colleen also had the same smile and laugh the could light up a room that Mom had. Her "famous" word, or phrase, was "oh, good-o"...that will always put a smile on my face when I say it, or think of it.

*Side note*.....The day Mom died is also my cousin's (Mom's Godson) birthday...so this day will forever be hard on him as well...Love ya, Kevin

As I reflect...

back on the events that unfolded seven years ago today, I can't help but think how very precious life is, and how incredibly blessed I feel to be living in a country that gives me all the freedoms that I have, not only as a citizen, but as a disabled person.

I wasn't around in the 60s, when we lost President Kennedy or his brother Robert (when people knew exactly where they were when those tragic things happened). But I certainly remember where I was on the morning of September 11, 2001. I was on the freeway on my way to picking up my friend for school. I could not believe what I was hearing on the radio, so when I got to her place, the TV was already on and was just beyond stunned that what I heard on the radio DID ACTUALLY HAPPEN and wasn't something imaginary.

Prayers needed

I have a big decision to make. I have what's called "Tarsal Coalition". I have flat feet (no arch) and when I was growing, some of the bones under my ankles partially fused together. Not only have the bones been affected, but also my achilles tendons. The orthotics that I wear did cure the tendon trouble, but not the bony trouble.

Here's the decision I have to make...my podiatrist can do a surgery where he would scrape out the cartilage, fuse what's left and put screws in to hold the bones together. The surgery would put me in a wheelchair/use a walker/crutches for three (3) months; and then there's another three months of rehabing it. Right now, the complications (the usual ones after a surgery of this sort; infection, bleeding, the bones not fusing correctly or at all, bone death from the screws) that could arise are weighing on my mind very heavily.

If this was you, what would you do?

*I promise to have more Vegas pics up soon; still not done with the camera (nothing interesting to take a picture of around here...lol)

FINALLY....

Just a few pics to "test" it out...I'm going to delete the ones of my niece when I get more of the Vegas pics in (whenever I get done with the throw away camera that HAS the pics of Vegas on it... Enjoy!!

Ok, so I've been....

home for a week now from Vegas. The trip went by WAY too fast, but we had a ton of fun. It took about six hours to get there, with two stops. We went straight to my Godmother's house because we couldn't check in until 2pm. Once we did get into our room (which wasn't in a great location, but it was ok), I had to crash for a bit because I had been driving since about 5:15 that morning. AFter a long break, my friend and I went down and walked around a bit. After finding the machines we wanted to play at (we stayed at our hotel the first night), I actually did pretty well the first night - I think I was up like $50 at one time. *SECOND DAY* We got up early and ate the food we brought with us for breakfast. Then it was "cruising" time...we had to drive to all the casinos because 1). There was a TON of construction around our hotel and her wheelchair wouldn't have made it through it, and 2). We were about 2.5 miles north of all the "major" ones we wanted to go to. So we played for a short time on the second day. We had to get back kind of early because we were meeting a friend of mine for dinner that I had met on Donny Osmond's website eight months ago (first time meeting in person). We had a fabulous dinner at the MGM Grand, which was the same hotel where the show was. After dinner, we all got in line to enter the theater. The anticipation was driving me NUTS, because it was my very first D&M (or any Osmond) concert. Now, when something is new and exciting to me, I become very quiet and just take it all in. My friend didn't understand this, but that's ok. I won't go into the detalls once the show started (please refer to the BiggestBloggerLoser blog for that), but I have to tell you that once it started, I came out of my "shell" and loved every minute of it. It only lasted an hour and a half, but my friend and I got our "momento" picture taken by one of professional photogs that were there. So, after the show, we were able to pick up the picture and some souvenirs. We ended up staying at the hotel until we both were just beat, getting back to our hotel about 2am. *THIRD DAY* This was the day to absolutely do NOTHING and not be on a schedule. We slept in and didn't get out of the room until noon. For lunch, we went a local Sonic. We had never been there before. The food was GREAT. We then went back to the MGM and played on the winnings from the previous night and once those were gone, walked over (via the Skywalk) to the NY NY and played on the winnings we got from them. After NY NY, we headed downtown to see the Fremont St. Experience (highly recommend it). For those who don't know what that is, it's a canopy of 50-100,000 lights and it's a lightshow set to music. It plays everynight from 9-11pm. The canopy is probably a block long, which is closed to cars; only pedestrians fill up the entire block. Anyway, we stayed and played downtown for a couple of hours, and then headed back to the hotel. Once we got back to our hotel, we stayed up and played in "our" casino for a bit. I finally went up at 1am, with my friend coming up at 2. *LAST DAY* We got up relatively early, packed our suitcases, packed the car, ate at a breakfast buffet, played for the last time for a bit and left around 1:00pm. On the way home, we stopped by my aunt's in Apple Valley (since she's a little more than halfway home) and saw her and my cousin. We stayed there for about an hour and a half and came home.

It was a great trip, but I am SOOOOOOOOOOO ready to go back now - LOL

This is dedicated...

to all the people I hear about through other blogs who are currently in the process of, or have already, adopted children. Please consider adoption.

*WARNING* This song is a tear jerker, so grab some tissues...

Now that it's officially....

July, my friend and I are ABSOLUTELY going MAD about the upcoming trip to Vegas. We have everything in terms of food and drink, so we're pretty much set. We just gotta get and pay for the car. It just seems like the closer it gets, the more the time DRAGS ...

Ok, so I have...

four and a half weeks until my friend and I go to VEGAS, BABY!!! I can't begin to tell you how excited we both are. We're stocking up on nutritious food (and other things) to bring with us, so we're not constantly eating at the buffets and other places; we're also trying to save some money while we're there. We might end up eating at ONE buffet, cuz when you're in Vegas, you HAVE to eat at a buffet.

Ok, so here we...

are, almost at the end of May already.. geez, it must be true when you hear people say that time goes faster the older you get!

Sad news to report.. I told most of you on your various blogs, but for those who haven't heard (or would like to hear it again HAHAHA), my mom's older sister (second oldest) has a recurrence of her cancer; only this time it has gotten into her chest bone. I have absolutely no doubts that she will make a full and complete recovery, since she's responding so well to the treatments, the fact that they caught it early and it's something identifiable. (chemo and radiation are the treatments she's enduring). IF it comes down to it, I have even offered to donate my bone marrow to her (and I'm completely serious). In fact, I'm going to contact the National Marrow Registry next week to ask a few questions and give them my medical history (God, I hope they don't write a book), since it's a pretty lengthy one.

This is the THIRD family member in the past seven months that has been inflicted with this dreaded disease - two of which have passed on. I have mixed emotions about it. On one hand, it's just awful that cancer, at least to me, has made an incredible resurgance (at least in our family) and we need to do EVERYTHING in our power to stop it.. and to tell you the truth, cancer research has become a "back burner" type thing, which just sickens me. On the other hand, I'm almost becoming used to the idea of people dying in the family, and I'm not liking it at all.

I mean, yes, I know when people get older, they die. I know that's what God put us on this earth for; to be born of His image, live out his "works" and then we're given back to Him.. and for that, we should be eternally grateful that He would allow us to do this. For someone like me, who is TOTALLY family oriented and so into family functions, it's hard for me to accept death.

Someone had asked me one time if the reason that it's so hard me to accept it is because I haven't really done anything with my life (I'm not putting myself down) and haven't become an active member of society. The answer was yes. I know what my calling is, but haven't done anything to further my advancement (for lack of finding better words) in that. Yes, I did spend four of the most GLORIOUS years of my life working with children at a before and after school day care setting. I can't tell you what that meant to me; so in that respect, I believe PARTIALLY "completed" my calling. But in the end, when it's time for me to face our Lord on Judgment Day, is that going to enough for Him to say, "Thank you, good and faithful Servant"? I honestly don't know. Believe me, I'm not real anxious to find out either (not until it's time to).

I know, in recent months, I have had some medical issues that have come up (not getting into it here) that have prevented me from "furthering my advancement", and I know your health is always first, so I'm gonna take care of that. But if it turns out that I'm not gonna be able to, what then? (This was written as a rhetorical question, but I will accept any and all comments).

I apologize for such a lengthy post, but I wanted my feeling shown and known, which, as you can see, I'm not afriad to hide.

This is my family...

This was taken Thanksgiving '07. Top Row, L-R is my niece Erika, Krysti, Jeff, Lorraine, Paul and Patti; (Jeff, Paul and Patti are my siblings) Middle Row: are Dad, Mom and myself; On the Floor are Allison, Maddie, Casey and Haley.

Tomorrow is...

my BIRTHDAY!!!! YIPEEEE!! I'm gonna be 38 years old. I know I'm sort of tooting my own horn, but I'm so blessed to be turning another year older. Due to my earlier medical issues, I wasn't supposed to live past the age of five; and then more recently, I had a bout with cancer (in my 16th year of being cancer free). God obviously has something to do with that, and I thank Him for allowing me to see another year.

Nothing new going on. Just waiting for July to roll around (described in last months' post).

More birthdays next month, as my oldest brother and youngest niece will be celebrating (5th and 25th, respectively).

Tomorrow, I'm going to see some cousins that rarely come down. Their children are dancers, so I'm gonna go and watch them.

Wow...

I can't believe we're almost at the end of March already. I hope everyone had a blessed Easter.

Yesterday, (Easter, obviously) was spent at my parents house. I went to church with the folks and my sister and then we had 14 for our traditional Italian brunch. We had a great time spending time together. We also played a dice game called LCR; it's with money and I won one game (about $33.00, all in singles), one of my brothers won one and my 10 year old nephew won the last one.

I'm slowly getting my life in order. I'm paying all my bills through the respective websites, so I don't have to worry about getting anything in on time, especially when I'm not feeling well. I'm keeping a calendar of all my appointments (and there has been a ton of those lately, mostly medical).

This summer, if I didn't mention it before, my friend and I are "doing Vegas". We're going to go see Donny and Marie Osmond, which I've never done before. It's been like ten years I've been to Vegas, so I'm really looking forward to it.

That's about all I have to report this month. Happy Spring, everyone.

Nothing new

to report. I'm still walking my little legs off; I'm up to a mile already..hoping to increase to two miles this week. In total, I've lost 23 (so far) pounds since September.

Next month I go have my cholesterol and other stuff checked. I'm thinking that my cholesterol is WAY down because of the exercising. Last year, I got it down 30 points; so I'm very much looking forward to seeing what it is now.

I've also started back with Karate (TaeKwonDo) this month. I'm also looking forward to starting Yoga with my blogger friends I'm losing the weight with.

So, as you can see, I've been very busy with the exercising. Yes, I'm eating, but not very much. Only concentrating on the healthy things in the food department.

Yesterday, we celebrated my niece's 8th birthday at my brother's house. Her two little cousins from my SIL's side of the family was there, so that made it more fun for her. Her actual birthday was Saturday.

Until next month...

Happy 2008...

everyone. I'm hoping it's gotten off to a great start.

It certainly has for me. I started this "Biggest Blogger Loser" thing with some friends of mine; since starting, I've lost a few pounds, but since I think October, I've lost like 24!! I'm feeling GREAT...the best I've probably ever felt. I started walking since starting this thing.

Healthwise, I'm starting to have problems with the leg that had the blood clot in it again; but it's not that bad.